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Hillywood - Outline (feedback/criticism please!)

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Hillywood - Outline (feedback/criticism please!)

Post by shameonpretzel on Mon Mar 29, 2010 7:32 pm

This is an outline to funnybones original idea, "Grandpa's Famous Enemy". You can read the story's progression up to this point here:

http://ha6s.forumotion.com/general-discussion-f1/grandpa-s-famous-enemy-t175.htm

1. Arnold & gang are playing baseball on street in front of Sunset Arms

2. Someone yells 'car' as limo and camera crew van pull up in front of Sunset Arms

3. Famous director D.W. emerges from limo and barges into Sunset Arms with camera crew, and shakes hands with the bewildered boarders

4. D.W. runs into Grandpa, who greets him coldly

5. D.W. explains that he wants to make a horror movie in Sunset Arms

6. Grandpa initially refuses, but D.W. gives him 24 hours to think it over, while inviting himself to stay at Sunset Arms

7. Boarders and Arnold try to persuade Grandpa to let D.W. make the movie. Grandpa explains that D.W. was an upstart troublemaker that lived in Sunset Arms (he was the reason for the "No Kids" sign).

Grandpa: I always knew that no-good punk wouldn't amount to anything.

Arnold: But Grandpa, he's a successful Hollywood director!

Grandpa: Like I said, he never amounted to anything!


8. Meanwhile, kids and neighbors come to door, begging Grandpa to let them in the movie. Grandpa says no, but then gets idea.

9. The next day, Grandpa agrees to let D.W. make movie, on one condition: he must sign a contract that gives him free reign over the project ("Looks like the director is being directed, eh D.W.?")

10. D.W. reluctantly agrees and chaos ensues. Every time D.W. tries to film a scene, Grandpa interjects with some outrageous suggestion to which D.W. must oblige. For example:

-Grandpa lets Arnold's friends on the set, ruining takes
-Lola (the lead) must speak pig latin, wear a sombrero, etc...
-The boarder dress up as zombies in really bad makeup
(Please suggest more!!)


11. All these demands frustrate Lola, who eventually quits. The young male lead also succumbs to food poisoning (courtesy of Grandma's catering). Grandpa suggests that they both be replaced by Arnold and Helga.

12. When Big Bob gets wind of Helga's involvement, he bribes her into taking every opportunity to advertise in the film. For example:

-Helga wears a Big Bob Beepers t-shirt
-Helga pretends she's "possessed" in a scene and randomly belts out the "Big Bob's Beeper" jingle


Since Grandpa wants to sabotage the film, he agrees to all these changes, much to the chagrin of D.W. ("I'm ruined!!!")

12. Eventually Arnold talks some sense into Grandpa, explaining that D.W. only wanted to celebrate his childhood memories by having the film in Sunset Arms.

13. Grandpa concedes and stand up to Big Bob, booting him off the set and ripping up the contract in a grand, dramatic gesture. The movie can now continue as planned.

14. At the end of the episode, the boarders, the kids, and everyone else involved is treated to an "advance screening" of D.W.'s vision at Sunset Arms. Grandpa is furious when he is featured in the film in an embarrassing light. For example:

Actor opens door and gasps.
Actor: My goodness - this is the most horrific thing I have ever seen!!
*Cut to footage of Grandpa in his underwear doing aerobics*
(Any other suggestions?)


Arnold sighs and says "Some things never change".

---

So that's what I got. What do you think?
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Re: Hillywood - Outline (feedback/criticism please!)

Post by funnybones021 on Mon Mar 29, 2010 8:44 pm

I completely forgot about this episode Very Happy

Excellent outline, and a hilarious ending. I love it! I'll try to think of some more suggestions.
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Re: Hillywood - Outline (feedback/criticism please!)

Post by shameonpretzel on Mon Mar 29, 2010 8:49 pm

funnybones021 wrote:I completely forgot about this episode Very Happy

Excellent outline, and a hilarious ending. I love it! I'll try to think of some more suggestions.

Thanks!
Very Happy


Yeah, I totally forgot that I volunteered as script writer for this episode - the least I could do was construct an outline. I felt so bad for not getting back to it (well, I was busy with school, but still, this episode idea was too good to pass up)!!!
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Re: Hillywood - Outline (feedback/criticism please!)

Post by funnybones021 on Mon Mar 29, 2010 9:13 pm

Don't worry about it, we all have lives outside this project lol.

Another thought I had is that we might want to come up with a name other than Dustin Wannabe (or D.W.) I think it's great to base this character off of Dustin Hoffman, but we probably should have at least a slightly better name for him.

btw, I wouldn't mind being an editor for this episode.
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Re: Hillywood - Outline (feedback/criticism please!)

Post by shameonpretzel on Tue Mar 30, 2010 12:16 am

funnybones021 wrote:
btw, I wouldn't mind being an editor for this episode.

Good stuff - truthfully, I'm still kinda lost on the whole episode progression process.

Also, I'm weak when it comes to naming characters, so I'll leave that detail to everyone else.
Razz
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Re: Hillywood - Outline (feedback/criticism please!)

Post by funnybones021 on Tue Mar 30, 2010 12:55 am

I'm weak when it comes to naming characters too. I noticed that a lot of famous actors and directors will include their middle initial in their name...or they'll initial their first name and use their full middle name along with their full last name. Obviously, those aren't set rules, just some things I've noticed.

I can help you out with the whole episode progression process as we go along. Right now we're at a stage where we need to finish hammering out the details of the outline. We also need to start assembling the rest of the staff members. We need at least one more editor and we also need the artists.
Truth be told, there seems to be a bit of a back-log on the need for artists...so unless this episode sparks an artist's interest soon, we might be waiting a while.

It might be a good idea to post a want ad for this episode and the Hypnotism episode at the same time (since they're both at the same stage in the process). That way, there would be more options for artists to decide which project they'd like to work on.
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Re: Hillywood - Outline (feedback/criticism please!)

Post by shameonpretzel on Tue Mar 30, 2010 1:02 am

OK - who's in charge of the "Hypnotism" episode? I don't mind waiting for them to post a want ad, then following by example.
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Re: Hillywood - Outline (feedback/criticism please!)

Post by Dpshrineinclosetgirl on Tue Mar 30, 2010 1:08 am

Oh wow, cool episode. I love the fact you included the "no kids" sign and gave it some history. I've never heard of this episode before, it must have been discussed before I arrived. It has real promise and its very different from the the other episodes. Nicely done!
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Re: Hillywood - Outline (feedback/criticism please!)

Post by funnybones021 on Tue Mar 30, 2010 1:09 am

Well, Dpshrineinclosetgirl posted the outline of the Hypnotism episode, but I'm not sure if she also wanted to be the writer/group leader. I'll ask her.

lol, or, Dpshrineincloset girl, you can just reply to this thread...I just noticed that you posted something ahead of me Razz
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Re: Hillywood - Outline (feedback/criticism please!)

Post by Dpshrineinclosetgirl on Tue Mar 30, 2010 1:17 am

lol sure I'll be the writer/group leader. I'll post a want add for the Hypnotism episode then?
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Re: Hillywood - Outline (feedback/criticism please!)

Post by funnybones021 on Tue Mar 30, 2010 1:20 am

Sure, go for it Very Happy

I'm happy to be an editor for the Hypnotism episode as well.
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Re: Hillywood - Outline (feedback/criticism please!)

Post by shameonpretzel on Tue Mar 30, 2010 11:47 am

Just throwing this one out there: Gilbert C. Ratta

It's Craig Bartlett anagramed.
Very Happy

Here are some other first names that can be made with the letters of his name (I'm too lazy to think up other surnames):

Gail
Gale
Gabe
Abe
Carl
Cal
Art
Bart
Reg
Gil
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Re: Hillywood - Outline (feedback/criticism please!)

Post by funnybones021 on Tue Mar 30, 2010 9:12 pm

haha, I think the name Gilbert C. Ratta is great! XD
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Re: Hillywood - Outline (feedback/criticism please!)

Post by RoseThorn on Wed Mar 31, 2010 3:54 am

This outline is great! It seems like a real episode. I love the idea of anagramming Craig's name for the director too.
A few things I noticed, though,
1. I find it sort of hard to believe that a major motion picture director would ever sign a contract giving someone he is at odds with free reign over his film/project, no matter how badly he wants to be able to film in the boarding house.
2. I think it would be interesting to have a tiny bit of tension between Lola and Ernie because of their brief history. i.e.-
Ernie: "Oh... hey Lola. I didn't know you were in this movie."
Lola: "Uh... yeah. I am actually." *awkward silence*
Ernie: "Well; uh, break a leg. I mean, don't REALLY break a leg, but you know, knock 'em dead, I mean, uh, good luck."
And maybe a series of other such awkward moments sprinkled throughout the episode to add to the clutter of events?
3. As much as I love ArnoldxHelga, (and love the whole idea of Big Bob trying to weasel his way into making money,) I have noticed that a lot of episodes currently being worked on involve ArnoldxHelga undertones. Not a bad thing, but we all know that in the actual series these "moments" between the two were few and far between; more like a treat than a theme. Just something to think about. Perhaps these moments can become more frequent later into our season as the characters continue to grow, but it seems a bit overwhelming for the beginning.

But overall I love the premise for this. There's a lot of good jokes in the outline too, and I love the title "Hillywood". Very Happy
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Re: Hillywood - Outline (feedback/criticism please!)

Post by shameonpretzel on Wed Mar 31, 2010 4:19 am

Thank you so much for the feedback!

RoseThorn wrote:
1. I find it sort of hard to believe that a major motion picture director would ever sign a contract giving someone he is at odds with free reign over his film/project, no matter how badly he wants to be able to film in the boarding house.

You have a point. Perhaps Grandpa could trick the director into signing the contract? Not to say that Gilbert is naive/innocent or anything (hence the ending), but perhaps he's matured from the young hellion he once was in his boarding house days and sees the project as a way of making amends to Grandpa? But Grandpa still harbors that bitter resentment...

RoseThorn wrote:
2. I think it would be interesting to have a tiny bit of tension between Lola and Ernie because of their brief history. i.e.-
Ernie: "Oh... hey Lola. I didn't know you were in this movie."
Lola: "Uh... yeah. I am actually." *awkward silence*
Ernie: "Well; uh, break a leg. I mean, don't REALLY break a leg, but you know, knock 'em dead, I mean, uh, good luck."
And maybe a series of other such awkward moments sprinkled throughout the episode to add to the clutter of events?

Good idea. Iinitially I didn't mind having Lola as a background character, but the more i think about it, the more I want her to be more involved in the episode. After all, she is playing the lead in the film.

I'd love to see Rhonda pestering Lola while she's sitting, trying to memorize her lines. "I love what you've done with your hair" - or something to that effect.
Razz



RoseThorn wrote:
3. As much as I love ArnoldxHelga, (and love the whole idea of Big Bob trying to weasel his way into making money,) I have noticed that a lot of episodes currently being worked on involve ArnoldxHelga undertones. Not a bad thing, but we all know that in the actual series these "moments" between the two were few and far between; more like a treat than a theme. Just something to think about. Perhaps these moments can become more frequent later into our season as the characters continue to grow, but it seems a bit overwhelming for the beginning.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ADDRESSING THIS.

To be honest, I could do without the Arnold-Helga subplot in the episode, but I left it in the outline to make the story more appealing to those who might want to get involved.

I really envision this story as an "all-star cast" episode (no pun intended), in the same vein as "World Records" or "The Flood".

Someone in the brainstorming thread had mentioned that Big Bob could bribe the other kids to advertise in the movie, and I'm all for that.

RoseThorn wrote:
But overall I love the premise for this. There's a lot of good jokes in the outline too, and I love the title "Hillywood". Very Happy


*thumbs up* Thanks much. Razz
If you're interested, a WANT AD has been posted for this episode. Even though I think this idea may sit in development hell for a while...
Laughing
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Re: Hillywood - Outline (feedback/criticism please!)

Post by Dpshrineinclosetgirl on Wed Mar 31, 2010 6:46 pm

I agree, I like the idea of using all the kids to add humor and strange events to the shooting of the film, and not just focusing on Helga and Arnold. I like the idea of big bob bribing all the kids to advertise for him. I can also see things like the kids fighting for the lead, Rhonda positive that only she can do the role justice. Kids complaining about their parts or forgetting their lines, and I can see a hilarious scene with Curly improvising…

And I really like the idea with Ernie and Lola RoseThorn!
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Re: Hillywood - Outline (feedback/criticism please!)

Post by Meganium on Sat Jun 19, 2010 6:29 pm

At the end, when the screening is shown, there should be hardly any footage of the characters so they can be all enraged about it. "They cut out my only line!" "Why did they use that take?!" "I thought I was supposed to be in that scene!!" And so on. XD
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Re: Hillywood - Outline (feedback/criticism please!)

Post by mrshowtime on Sat Jul 10, 2010 12:04 am

shameonpretzel wrote:
-Grandpa lets Arnold's friends on the set, ruining takes
-Lola (the lead) must speak pig latin, wear a sombrero, etc...
-The boarders dress up as zombies in really bad makeup
(Please suggest more!!)


How about Oskar missing the point and dressing up as Dracula?
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Re: Hillywood - Outline (feedback/criticism please!)

Post by shameonpretzel on Sat Jul 10, 2010 12:18 am

mrshowtime wrote:

How about Oskar missing the point and dressing up as Dracula?

Great idea!
Very Happy
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Re: Hillywood - Outline (feedback/criticism please!)

Post by Meganium on Sun Jul 18, 2010 11:17 pm

XD That sounds great to me!
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Re: Hillywood - Outline (feedback/criticism please!)

Post by gewlicious on Sun Aug 08, 2010 6:55 pm

This sounds really promising :3 I just have one question though;
Why would Arnold and the gang play base-ball on the street if they already have Gerald Field? (sorry if it's an irrelevant detail, it just caught my eye ^^' )
shameonpretzel wrote:10. D.W. reluctantly agrees and chaos ensues. Every time D.W. tries to film a scene, Grandpa interjects with some outrageous suggestion to which D.W. must oblige. For example:
-Grandpa lets Arnold's friends on the set, ruining takes
-Lola (the lead) must speak pig latin, wear a sombrero, etc...
-The boarder dress up as zombies in really bad makeup
(Please suggest more!!)
i like the 'Oskar as dracula' bit Mrshowtime suggested xD
err... let's see if i can think something up...

1. Grampa spontaneously announcing coffee-breaks every 5 minutes? (followed by a stampede of kids/hungry people) making a bee-line to the refreshment table
2. OOh! how about Mr. Potts randomly exploding things with TNT? (like the old style you'd usually see in cartoons... the one when you have to press the lever down?)
3. maybe something to do with Gertie perhaps? Who knows what grampa would allow her to do on set... o.o'
well that's all i've got for now.. i'm loving this episode idea though cheers
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