Arnold and Olga

Hi everyone! I apologize for leaving this idea hanging for so long.

Anyway, I've just gathered all our brainstorming together on a convenient file on my computer, and I'll begin writing the script tomorrow. So far, my basic outline is:

1) Start at the Patakis' house. Olga announces a tutoring program, but Helga is not really listening.
2) School. Helga overhears Arnold talking about how "she" should be able to solve his problem, he can't wait to see her, etc. Helga is consumed with curiosity and jealousy and follows him...to her own house, whereupon she discovers that the girl Arnold is dying to see is her own sister!
3) Naturally she leaps right into trying to sabotage the rendezvous. She arranges several harebrained traps, all of which manage to either blow up in her face or which she ends up being caught in. Arnold is mystified by her behavior.
4) Olga walks in on the tail-end of Helga's soliloquy and explains why Arnold was here. Olga deduces that Helga has a crush on Arnold.
5) Arnold pops into the kitchen to say good night since he's leaving for the evening. Cue Olga's exaggerated winking and not-so-great secret-keeping. More eye rolls from Helga, but Arnold leaves without discovering Helga's secret, at least.
6) Helga and Olga share their big sister-little sister moment, culminating in a hug and a "Criminy" from Helga.

That's the most basic outline I can give. XD I'll start working on it as soon as I can! *salutes* I will not let you down, my friends! >=D

Hello again, all!

This is just to let you know that I've written a rough draft of the script. I still need to divide everything into panels and get the formatting sorted out, but I should have it up by tomorrow evening! Thanks for your patience! ^_^

EDIT: If anyone would like to review the script before I divide it into panels, here is my rough draft! I hope you like it! Please keep in mind that it's just a rough draft, so details like setting and transitions aren't set in stone yet. I apologize! XD

https://docs.google.com/document/pub?id=19uwpDrB-XCdXSI53o22jXrPSr1B2tLno25B0JHfdTE8

Wonderful script! I've made some comments and suggestions on possible areas of improvement. You can find it here:



http://ha6s.files.wordpress.com/2011/08/arnold-and-olga-draft-script-edited-by-tendra.doc



Cheers,



Tendra

Oh my goodness, I love you. <3

Ahem. Since I'm a bit stupid about uploading documents, I shall respond to your edits in forum format.

Note 1: It's not in Panel format yet because it was just a rough draft, but usually I have it divided into panels by the time I post on the forum, so I can understand why it was pointed out. XD I wanted to make sure I didn't need to make any changes to dialogue or setting before dividing it into Panels.

About Brainy in the trash can: I actually didn't realize it had been done until I re-watched a particular episode yesterday! I actually said, "Man, I thought that was original." XD I can change this, no problem.

About Arnold's "C" grade: I live in the US, and if I got a C in elementary school, I (and my parents) freaked out. I was always a perfectionist with good grades in elementary school, and Arnold seemed like that type as well. At least in my view, mediocrity wouldn't be good enough for him.

About Helga's confession and her soliloquy: The way I interpreted the scene at the end of the movie, Arnold gave Helga a chance to go back to the way things were before-- Helga isn't ready for Arnold to know her secret, and he's fine with that, but he knows it deep down in the back of his brain, and Helga knows he knows. So they're both kind of pretending not to know.
Anyway, what do you suggest for this? I want her to think he's there for her, so she rushes inside, but I do want to take your suggestion into account. Any advice?

About the steps: Yes, I meant the steps leading up to Helga's house. Sorry XD

About the setup of Helga's traps: I actually drew myself a diagram to help with writing the scene. XD I can provide a less-sloppy one if need be (which it sounds like it is).

About Olga figuring out Helga's secret: No problem! I can just omit the scene with the locket, and skip to Olga asking if Helga likes Arnold. Olga obviously got good grades--she's no dummy. XD

Thank you SO much for all your suggestions! I know just what I need to change! ^_^

That was a pretty good script.

Meganium wrote:
About Helga's confession and her soliloquy: The way I interpreted the scene at the end of the movie, Arnold gave Helga a chance to go back to the way things were before-- Helga isn't ready for Arnold to know her secret, and he's fine with that, but he knows it deep down in the back of his brain, and Helga knows he knows. So they're both kind of pretending not to know.
Anyway, what do you suggest for this? I want her to think he's there for her, so she rushes inside, but I do want to take your suggestion into account. Any advice?

No problem! Just changing the dialogue a bit so that it acknowledges that Arnold already knows why Helga picks on him is all that's really needed. Here's what you wrote for Helga's soliloquy (which was written beautifully, by the way):

Could this be the day he realizes why I’m always antagonizing him? The day he understands why I’m always hanging around him even when he doesn’t expect me to be? Could this be the day… [caressing the locket] The blessed, happy day… that Arnold realizes his true feelings for me??

I mainly have trouble with the word "realize" in the first sentence, because that kinda suggests to me that this is Arnold's first time recognizing (i.e. having an epiphany on) why Helga picks on him (and we know it isn't his first time). Playing around with the wording, such as changing "realize" to "truly understands", would suffice.

Hope that helps!

That left me LOLing.

Is that REALLY full-length? It seems... short. Ish. Not short short, just shortish.
As if Helga should try another, shorter prank (or maybe two) before the big flour-thing. And maybe they succeed, but both times, Arnold/Olga doesn't care, they both look at Helga weird, and both go to fix themselves up? Did that make sense?

Ah! Changing it to "truly understands" would help! I'm definitely working on the changes. I should have the final version up tomorrow evening! ^_^

And gjsmo: Thank you! And yes, it's full-length. It'll seem much longer when everything's divided into panels, believe me! There may be panels of just scenery, panels that take up a lot of page space...plus there's quite a few moments in the script where Helga has a long stream of dialogue, so we don't just want to cram it all into one speech bubble. By "blocking" the action and dialogue-- I use that term because I think the process can be compared to "blocking" actors in stage direction, which means deciding where the characters will go and what they will do during a scene-- the length is extended. Doing a full-length episode in comic form would actually be very long! XD
But I will definitely consider your idea for more failed traps. Originally, I was going to have three failed traps, with the one in the script being the final one, but I was worried about it getting too long (XD), so they were cut. Thanks for the input! I'll see if I can put them back in!

Yes, please do add them back in and see what happens...

Don't edit yourself - unless you have no-one else to edit you. It's always good to have another pair of eyes look over a script, even if you think some stuff "just has to be cut".

EDIT: It would make some sense to have two or more small, possibly 2- or 3-panel pranks, before the big one, which could have a large portion of the page devoted to the setup (possible the entire page). Also, if the preceding pranks were shorter, you could add a bit to the exposition, which seems short-ish - again, not short short, just shortish. Of course, I've never done anything like this before, so maybe it's not as short as I think it is...

Sorry for the delay, everyone! I didn't have any time to work on the script today, so I'm going to try and do it tomorrow. ^ ^;

And I have no problem with editing myself. Besides, that's the reason I needed you guys to look over the rough draft-- you've given me suggestions for improvement, and now I am improving it. We'll see about a "real" editing job when it is ready to be edited-- when it's in panels and whatnot.
And yes, I agree about the short pranks leading up to the "grand finale" of pranks. XD I'm using some ideas from way back in this thread--loosening coffee table legs, rigging the couch to flip up on people, etc.
And I promise, it will seem a LOT longer when in comic form.

EDIT: Argh argh argh.
Sorry for the pirate speech, but I'm so frustrated! I'm really sorry, everyone. It's been a really hectic week-- I've had to house-sit because my parents were out of state for a while, and then I had to make reeeeeally complicated cupcakes for my friend's birthday, and...I kind of got sidetracked. LOL. I SOLEMNLY SWEAR that the EDITED SCRIPT will be up FRIDAY. You can quote me on that.

EDIT EDIT: Actually...looks like it'll be a while before this is done. I'm really, truly sorry everyone.

I loveee the script so far! I especially love the part when Arnold walks in on Helga covered in flower xD

I know it will be a while, but I can't wait to read the finished script <3

LEILI! *hugtackles* Yaaay! You read the script! <3 I'm so glad you liked it!

And yeah, hopefully I'll get some time to work on it over the weekend. My first day back's actually been rather pleasant. I know it'll get hectic later on, though, when I'm reading my 20 course books (I am not kidding). XD